For months, I’ve been a slave to my ‘to do’ list. I’ve prepared countless versions, checking off completed items and adding new ones. Every single day has been a struggle to wrestle it down. A regime not unlike my university days preparing for final exams, where I’d prepare endless lists of chapters to review and topics to master, itemized in order of importance.
But there comes a point where you realize that there’s nothing more you can learn, nothing more you can retain. You turn inward and begin to mentally prepare for the challenge ahead. I call it ‘going zen’. It happens before job interviews, before I start a big writing project, and now it’s happened as I prepare for this trip.
Today, for the first time, I began to let go of my ‘to do’ list. I wandered through my local Shoppers Drug Mart, browsing the sections as I’d grown accustomed on lazy Sunday afternoons, just because I could. It hit me in aisle three: I wasn’t there to check items off the list, I was there to savour the feeling of what it is like to shop at a drug store. Because I’m going somewhere else, where it’s going to be different.
Letting go of my ‘to do’ list represents letting go of expectations, of the attempt to control everything. It represents the shift away from preparing for the challenge, toward facing it head on.
I’m ready for the challenge.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
This is how I felt about preparing for and experiencing childbirth. I reached a point where I was as prepared as I could be, so there was nothing left but to do it. And then I did.